Where Do I Want to Start?

In any movie/TV show/play/musical that involves a therapist – the first question they ask if “where do you want to start?”

I’m going to a counselor. For the first time because my anxiety has finally started interfering with the way I live my day to day life. It physically pains me. Makes me out of control. I don’t want to go in to therapy. But maybe I’ll like it. I don’t know.

But fictitious theatrical therapist - Where do I want to start?

My recent break up with my college boyfriend.

My crushing loneliness since all my friends spread across the state and country.

My new job that no one has any idea what I’m supposed to be doing which is making it DAMN near impossible for ME to know what I’m supposed to be doing.

My long-term gay boyfriend who crushed my spirit for six months with his controlling behavior towards my behavior and feelings that constantly was restricting me and yelling at me.

Living with my parents full time which I haven’t done in over two years. And my dad’s aging which causes him to get more frustrated, do weird things, forget, and hurts him more to work. And my mom dealing with her parents, which makes her crabby and stressed and hard to approach.

Saving up money to live with my friends.

My future.

Anything involving the ten year experience that was Zach Worley.

So therapist, where do I want to start?

I don’t know.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I’ll probably make small talk for the whole hour.

For more than one hour.

Or cry. I cry a lot. It’s a knee jerk reaction to anger and anxiety.

Am I making a mistake?